The Onion Voting Simulator 3D

THE COMPLETE AMERICAN ELECTION EXPERIENCE!

It’s Election Day in the U.S. of A.!

Congratulations: You’re officially the average American voter! Now it’s up to you to “decide” the future of this country!  Search for identification, impatiently wait in line, and look out for bone-crunching power-ups! Every secret you find is another key to being allowed to pretend to pretend you have an impact on the future of this country!

PARTICIPATE IN DEMOCRACY OR HAVE A NICE DAY!

Don’t want to vote? No problem!

Just like with actual elections, Voting Simulator allows you to make any excuse to yourself so you can stay at home! Distract from the disappointment you feel in yourself with multiple sources of brief yet comforting pleasures! You can just tell people you voted anyway, especially if the results are bad!

DON’T FALL DOWN!

Wherever you do, be sure not to fall into Hell, where beings beyond understanding wait for the just and unjust alike! They don’t know the difference between pleasure and pain!

THE ONION’S FIRST VIDEO GAME!

The Onion is the most trusted name in news, and now it’s the most trusted name in electronic video gaming entertainment! Our team of experts, academics, designers, artists, ombudsmen, and unpaid testers have striven to create a verisimilitude unseen in other competing voting simulation titles. The experience you have in this game is virtually no different than what millions of Americans go through every two years, (four, if we’re being honest).

Features:

• Participate in the democracy that millions have died to protect or stay inside your studio apartment and see if there’s anything to eat!

• Wait in line in the gymnasium of a middle school you’ve never seen before!

• Kill time in line in the gymnasium of a middle school you’ve never seen before!

• Check your phone in line in the gymnasium of a middle school you’ve never seen before!

• Search for multiple power-ups that give you powers beyond the average American voter!

• Prove to angry pollworkers that you’re actually allowed to vote!

• Explore your surroundings to learn the dark secrets directly underneath America’s proud veneer of truth and fairness.

• Real eagle sounds!